They Paved Paradise and Put Up A Walmart

A little known fact about my home town of Cottage Grove, MN is that we have, or make that had one of the last few remaining drive-in movie theaters left in the state.  It was old, it was charming and I know I was only there a few times in my adult life, but it was fun.

 

After a few years of battling the city, home owners behind the theater land and I would assume a majority of the residents of Cottage Grove, the other side finally won (or possibly our side gave up?). I am sad to say that in this charming site where people once flocked to on warm Friday and Saturday summer evenings, a huge conglomerate that will more than likely be open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, will rear it's ugly face.  Yes, I am sad to say that a Walmart will be in its place.  

This is not the actual building yet.  This was borrowed from Google images.

I unfortunately have to drive by the excavation site twice a day and ever since the first backhoe appeared, I can't help but think of Joni Mitchell or the Counting Crows singing Big Yellow Taxi..."They paved paradise and put up a parking lot" almost every time I drive by.  What used to be covered with trees, dusty gravel and old posts with speakers that were no longer needed is now covered with power equipment, huge holes and trees missing as far as you can see.  I can now see houses from the highway that I could never see before.  It's so depressing.  It also reminds me of a line from You've Got Mail, when Kathleen Kelly has to close her book shop.  She says: "My store is closing this week.  I own a store.  It's a lovely store.  And in a week it will be something really depressing...like a Baby Gap."  

Why these people are clapping on the ground breaking day, I have no idea.  They obviously forgot what a little gem this was not only to our city but to our state. 

This is an actual still from the video the local paper shot during groundbreaking.  Credit goes to the South Washington County Bulletin.

I suppose this could be a good thing.  I mean the closest Walmart stores are a whole 10 miles away in either direction.  Heaven forbid we travel any further than necessary to get to a place where you can buy milk, a bra, sliced ham and a bathmat all at 3:00 in the morning.

One more thing before I close, I am going to share a little text message exchange from January 10, 2013 with one of my friends.  He has a good sense of humor and well, here is our exchange.  It's like a little foreshadow of what's to come:

Me: It's 39 degrees outside and I just saw an overweight woman in shorts and sandals.  This doesn't surprise me as I am at Walmart.

Drew: Well at least they'll be invading the old drive in now...the level of spandex and oversized t shirts will be going up exponentially in CG

I couldn't have said it better myself.

oooh ooh ooh I'm on fire...

This is a true story based on real events.  The other character in this story has been given a fake name in case this post ever gets into the wrong hands.  Not that what I am about to tell you is bad, I just don’t want this said person to have to relive the story I am about to tell if she would ever be questioned by some random blog reader.  You know, the whole 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon thing…or however that goes.

 So the other day (ok, it was more like 2 months ago, but who’s counting?) I was in Target and I ran into a classmate of mine.  Let’s call her Charlotte.   Let me preface this story by telling you something that you may or may not know about me.  For some unknown reason, whenever I get the slightest bit uncomfortable or really for just any random reason out of the blue, my face will get beet red.  I am talking, red like the 3M logo, red like a Skittles bag and a shade of pink a pig would be envious of.  Seriously.  Anything could set fire to this mug of mine.  And it especially happens when I see people I know in a non-normal spot.  Like I could see you every day of my life at work and be totally fine, but if I see you in Target, you will hardly recognize me because my face will be blaze red.  You will think I have contracted some sort of weird skin abnormality.  I am telling you… my mom could appear at a random spot where I happen to be and I would start getting mild hot flashes.  It’s a condition that I am not happy about but I doubt they have medication for besides maybe a doctor prescribed verbal “Relax” command that would cure it.

OK, so a while back I am in the local Target store browsing through the sheet aisle.  I have this bench that I am lugging around the store with me so it doesn’t fall into some strangers hands and I don’t get the chance to buy it.  I also have at least two throw pillows on top of this bench.  It’s still somewhat cold outside so I have my somewhat warm jacket on.  Not the thick, thick one, but somewhere between that and a spring jacket.  So I am in the sheet aisle with my bench and throw pillows kind of overtaking the area round me.  I glance over my shoulder when I see a girl pushing a cart and is going to attempt to get by me.  I move my bench and take a brief glance at who is approaching me.  I look away and then do a double-take because I realize it is someone I graduated with.  This person also does a double take and we realize that we know each other.  We do the “hi, how are you?” exchange and I think that’s the end of it.  I think that’s the end of it because we weren’t friends in high school.  Not like were enemies, we just didn’t hang with the same crowd and therefore never had any sort of relationship besides maybe the shared class or two through our school years together.  Because of this, I don’t really see a reason for the conversation to carry on much farther than that.  It’s not that I wasn’t interested in her life, I just really don’t like small talk for fear of the face reddening problem mentioned above.  Also note this,…the wonderful Facebook has come into our lives since we graduated in the grand year of 2000, so not only am I “friends” with people on Facebook that I am not now nor have ever been friends with in real life, I find out information about them when it appears in my newsfeed that I would not otherwise know.  This person I ran into had been appearing in my feed a lot in the past few weeks so I pretty much knew things that any non-friend would never know.  So I already know somewhat about Charlotte’s life; some things by chance because of good old Facebook algorithms and some things by hearsay from whomever around town. 

So Charlotte starts to make small talk and the panic sets in.  My face proceeds to get red and then suddenly the hot flashes start.  This next part is so hard to explain, I can barely type it out in a way you will understand just how awful and uncomfortable this scene was.  She asks me simple questions and before I know it, I am for some reason so flustered I cannot remember what I do for a job.  Of course I know where I work, but I can’t think of my title or stammer out a coherent sentence as to explain what I do on a day to day basis.  I finally mumbled something about social media and quickly asked her about herself so my interrogation would be over.  This is fairly difficult for me because I am now fully aware that I must look like I just stepped out of an hour long tanning bed session and the florescent lights up above are probably making the tiny sweat beads on my forehead shine like a Harry Winston on the red carpet.  This is also difficult for me because I already KNOW a lot of the key events that have just happened in Charlotte’s life, one of them being as major as that she had a baby.  However, how stupid would it look if I let on that I know all of this information after I haven’t seen her for 13 years but I see it show up in my newsfeed?!?!  So I play dumb and only half listen as she explains her current situation and I am just praying for this awkwardness to be over.  I seriously don’t know what has come over me, this reddened face situation is definitely the worst I have ever experienced.  I can feel my face getting more and more heated as she talks.  I wish I could just run for the hills. 

We chatted for what felt like an eternity when it was probably only 2 minutes, tops.  But of course we both still have to be in the same aisle because neither of us had picked out our sheets yet.  We stand there uncomfortably (well, at least I am uncomfortable) and browse the sheets.  I am still so nervous and all weird acting, so I mumble something clever like “I don’t even really know what I am looking for”.  She doesn’t respond, thankfully.  She probably wants to get the hell out of there as soon as she can after the weird display I had just put on.

About 45 seconds later she is gone.  We say our goodbyes and she pushes her cart off into the sunset.  I bend at the knees and kind of do a squat thing and pretend I am looking at the sheets on the bottom shelf, when in all reality, I am taking deep breaths and trying to regain my composure.  I run the back of my hand over my brow and I am not lying, my hand is wet from sweat when I remove it.  I then stand up after I calm down and not only can I feel that my lower back is sweating, but I can also feel now that I have squatted and stood back up, that I have sweat behind my knees.  Seriousy people, Behind the Knee Sweat!?!  I thought that was only reserved for park benches and plastic stadium seats in the middle of August!!  One would have thought it was 98 degrees with 75% humidity in that store.  I could not believe it.  I was mortified but at the same time I was in shock of the display of weird nervous energy that was just put out for the world to see.  What is wrong with me?!?  I purchase my things and leave the store and cannot help but laugh to myself.  Hopefully I will never run into that person again. If so, I hope she is smart enough to just say a quick ‘hi’ and we can move on with our lives. On a side note, I no longer see Charlotte's Facebook stories in my newsfeed.  That could mean that A., she hardly posts anymore or B., she un-friended me.  I would put money on B.