Trolling Craigslist: Free Stuff

Sometimes my dad and I like to browse the "Free" section of Craigslist just for kicks.  Then we'll email the listings to each other and crack up.  We love to find out what "great finds" people are willing to put out there instead of just throwing away.  While looking the other day, a few caught my eye and I thought I would share.  It's not always the item itself that makes the cut of stupidity, but the brilliant editing (or lack of) that went into the description of the free item.  And sometimes it's a little combination of both the item and the description.  Here goes, in order of not-so-bad to horrible:

Item 4. Trampoline.

 

 

Could you get a little further away from the Trampoline next time?  I know there's a ton of snow out in your backyard and probably loads of dog poop to avoid, but a picture from a little closer than 50 yards away would be nice.  Especially so I can get a close up of the "kissing" metal pole.  Please explain what exactly that is...

Item 3: Plastic Tables and Chairs

 

 

Oh Rick, Rick, Rick....please...don't waste my time by posting this ad if you can't even set the chairs and tables upright to take the picture.  I mean I know you're moving and all and are in a rush to get rid of your shit, but please, just leave them on the deck for the next sorry soul to deal with or throw them away.  If I remember correctly, those things snap apart on a dime, so just pay the neighbor kid a few bucks to smash them with a baseball bat and they'll fit in your garbage can just fine.  Don't make us waste your time twice by asking for another picture of them in their correct, upright position.

 

Item 2: Little Tikes Picnic Table

 

 

 

Where to even begin?  There is so much wrong with this I suppose I'll just start from the top.  The grainy, out of focus picture?...if you're going to rip off a picture from the internet, at least know how to correctly search for an image that is the right size so it won't be a pixelated mess when you upload it.  And while we're at it, don't steal images off the internet and think that people are dumb enough to believe that's the actual picture of your item.

Thank you for letting us know the squirrels are evil in your neighborhood.  Because they are perfect angels everywhere else I've seen.  A little duct tape would make it perfect?  Why didn't I think of that??  Or better yet, why didn't you?  Can't you just fix your own table with duct tape and keep it in your squirrel infested yard?  I'm sure the kids that you force to sit there will welcome fraying silver tape sticking to their sweat pants when they try to get up from arts and crafts time.  And I am absolutely shocked that the umbrella isn't included!  What ever could have happened to it?? 

And I will be sure to flick off the squirrels as I drive off with my new, perfectly chewed up plastic picnic table.  I'm sorry you couldn't keep your patio chairs around--maybe you should have put them on Craigslist for free, too.  I'm sure a little duct tape would have kept those puppies in perfect shape for a few more years.  Let me know how it goes next year with those squirrel traps. 

 

Item 1: Balloons

 

 

FINALLY!  The Gods have smiled down upon me and answered my prayers!  You don't how long I've waited to find four, pre-blown up balloons in random colors.  And for FREE at that!  These are just the thing I need!

Seriously???  What the??  Who in their right mind would take the time to take a picture of four, non-helium filled balloons, type up an ad and upload it to Craigslist and try to get rid of them??  Probably the same kind of person who gives out mints as Halloween candy (see basket in picture).

I have some other ways you could get rid of them...need I list them?

     1. Keep them around for two days and they will eventually shrivel up into avocado size balls and  

         you can throw them away.

     2. Do you have a pin, a knife, a fork, a match?  All of these will get rid of the balloons in a snap.

     3. Give them to the guy with the picnic table and his squirrels will probably take care of them for

         you.

"Our loss is your gain."...?  Ok, now this is a bit dramatic, don't you think?  It will more than likely be your loss because by the time you find someone stupid enough to drive to pick up four random balloons, they will have been deflated, right along with your ego.

 

Family Photo

This past weekend my grandma had us all over to celebrate my mom and my birthdays.  We ate homemade stew, Kris's homemade cookies, opened gifts, and laughed at the little character Niall is becoming!  It was a lot of fun.  With only a few groans from the peanut gallery, I was able to get an updated family picture.  We haven't taken one for about 3 years.  It's sad to not see my grandpa in pictures anymore but we now have the special addition of Niall and Drew.  By the looks of it, Niall will be taking over as comedian in the family.  His Great Grampy would be proud!

The Armpit of Home Improvement Stores



I am officially boycotting Menards for an unknown amount of time.  It could be a month, it could be a year.  It probably won't be forever because I can't hold a grudge that long, but I am really upset with them at the moment.  I had a meltdown at the customer service counter on Sunday and it wasn't pretty.  I would have said a lot more and had planned to say a lot more to the lady at the counter but I was on the brink of tears and I didn't want to lose my cool AND my emotions both in the span of 1 minute.  The story is hard to explain over type and I get a lot more animated when I tell the story in person, but the story goes a little something like this:

I went to Menards Sunday morning at 7:40 (not knowing it opened at 8:00), waited 20 minutes to get in to buy TWO things:  a heat register and a threshold for the floor transition between the kitchen and hallway.  Of course, being the sh!t hole store it is, they only have ONE of two possible registers that I need in stock.  I didn't know the exact measurements so I was going to buy one of each size and return one.  One size was totally emptied out and the other size had ONE left and not to mention, it had a small bend in it.  So I kind of wandered around hoping to find an employee who could check in back for more for me but no luck.  So I walked over and got the threshold and went back to the register aisle.  After waiting for about two minutes I decided to leave the aisle and see if I could get some help.  So I walked up the main aisle and met up with this tall dope of a guy who works in the paint department and is ALWAYS there and he is just a huge dufus and a complete moron and not to mention totally RUDE.  I asked him if I could get some help in the register aisle.  So he waltzes as slow as he can over to his precious paint desk, helps someone else first and then calls someone to come and help me.  As I'm staring him down the entire time, he shouts over: "he'll be right there".  So I go back to the aisle and wait and wait and wait and wait.  By this time my blood is boiling and I'm on the verge of just throwing my two items into the middle of the aisle and walking out.  Instead of losing my cool in the aisle with nobody around, I march up to the service counter in the front of the store where a man is filling out some paperwork to rent a some equipment and another lady is kind of fiddling with her receipts so she's really not in line yet.  So I go up to the older lady at the counter (rather than dealing with the two teenage workers who won't care, anyway), slam down my two items and in the middle of my hands shaking, my voice trembling and me trying to hold back tears I say something along the lines of this: 

               "Hi.  I'm sure you don't care but I'm going to tell you anyway.  I came here and waited in your parking lot for the store to open to buy TWO things...TWO THINGS!  I come in here and out of all the registers and popular sizes, you have ONE of the two most popular sizes.  One bin is completely empty and the other had ONE.  I asked the F*cking DOPE in the paint department to help me and he waltzed as slow as he possibly could over to his desk to call on the walkie talkie to have someone come over and help me.  I waited and waited and waited and nobody came.  So now I have to drive to WOODBURY to get these two things when I live five minutes from here.  GOODBYE!"

And with that, I turned and walked out, slamming the door open (and PRAYING that I was pushing open the right side, as opposed to the side with the hinges!) as I left and shouting "God this store irritates me!"

 

And that is why I am currently boycotting Menards.  I'll save big money elsewhere.

Out with the Old, In with the Used

Last week was a tough week.  Well, at least at the beginning of the week.  I had to say goodbye to my original baby to make room for a new baby that will be breathing and will require a car seat.  After 8 glorious years together the MINI and I had to part ways and I said hello to my new, 4-door sedan.  I don't know why, but the word "sedan" seems so granny-ish to me.  I'll just stick to the word "car" from here on out.  The new girl is a few years old but on the bright side, looks and feels new and has a lot more power than the MINI.  Not that I could ever compare anything to the MINI, but if I was going to get a new car, I needed wanted one with more power and a few more gizmos.  Although it was very hard to say goodbye and I did shed some tears at the dealership, I know the tradeoff is going to be well worth it!  Change can be a very good thing.