Trolling Craigslist: Free Stuff

Sometimes my dad and I like to browse the "Free" section of Craigslist just for kicks.  Then we'll email the listings to each other and crack up.  We love to find out what "great finds" people are willing to put out there instead of just throwing away.  While looking the other day, a few caught my eye and I thought I would share.  It's not always the item itself that makes the cut of stupidity, but the brilliant editing (or lack of) that went into the description of the free item.  And sometimes it's a little combination of both the item and the description.  Here goes, in order of not-so-bad to horrible:

Item 4. Trampoline.

 

 

Could you get a little further away from the Trampoline next time?  I know there's a ton of snow out in your backyard and probably loads of dog poop to avoid, but a picture from a little closer than 50 yards away would be nice.  Especially so I can get a close up of the "kissing" metal pole.  Please explain what exactly that is...

Item 3: Plastic Tables and Chairs

 

 

Oh Rick, Rick, Rick....please...don't waste my time by posting this ad if you can't even set the chairs and tables upright to take the picture.  I mean I know you're moving and all and are in a rush to get rid of your shit, but please, just leave them on the deck for the next sorry soul to deal with or throw them away.  If I remember correctly, those things snap apart on a dime, so just pay the neighbor kid a few bucks to smash them with a baseball bat and they'll fit in your garbage can just fine.  Don't make us waste your time twice by asking for another picture of them in their correct, upright position.

 

Item 2: Little Tikes Picnic Table

 

 

 

Where to even begin?  There is so much wrong with this I suppose I'll just start from the top.  The grainy, out of focus picture?...if you're going to rip off a picture from the internet, at least know how to correctly search for an image that is the right size so it won't be a pixelated mess when you upload it.  And while we're at it, don't steal images off the internet and think that people are dumb enough to believe that's the actual picture of your item.

Thank you for letting us know the squirrels are evil in your neighborhood.  Because they are perfect angels everywhere else I've seen.  A little duct tape would make it perfect?  Why didn't I think of that??  Or better yet, why didn't you?  Can't you just fix your own table with duct tape and keep it in your squirrel infested yard?  I'm sure the kids that you force to sit there will welcome fraying silver tape sticking to their sweat pants when they try to get up from arts and crafts time.  And I am absolutely shocked that the umbrella isn't included!  What ever could have happened to it?? 

And I will be sure to flick off the squirrels as I drive off with my new, perfectly chewed up plastic picnic table.  I'm sorry you couldn't keep your patio chairs around--maybe you should have put them on Craigslist for free, too.  I'm sure a little duct tape would have kept those puppies in perfect shape for a few more years.  Let me know how it goes next year with those squirrel traps. 

 

Item 1: Balloons

 

 

FINALLY!  The Gods have smiled down upon me and answered my prayers!  You don't how long I've waited to find four, pre-blown up balloons in random colors.  And for FREE at that!  These are just the thing I need!

Seriously???  What the??  Who in their right mind would take the time to take a picture of four, non-helium filled balloons, type up an ad and upload it to Craigslist and try to get rid of them??  Probably the same kind of person who gives out mints as Halloween candy (see basket in picture).

I have some other ways you could get rid of them...need I list them?

     1. Keep them around for two days and they will eventually shrivel up into avocado size balls and  

         you can throw them away.

     2. Do you have a pin, a knife, a fork, a match?  All of these will get rid of the balloons in a snap.

     3. Give them to the guy with the picnic table and his squirrels will probably take care of them for

         you.

"Our loss is your gain."...?  Ok, now this is a bit dramatic, don't you think?  It will more than likely be your loss because by the time you find someone stupid enough to drive to pick up four random balloons, they will have been deflated, right along with your ego.

 

The Station

The Station

by Robert J. Hastings

     Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision.  We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent.  We are traveling by train, out the windows we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of city skylines and village halls.

      But uppermost in our minds is the final destination.  On a certain day at a certain hour we will pull into the station.  Bands will be playing and flags waving.  Once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a complete jigsaw puzzle.  How restlessly we pace the aisles.  Damning the minutes for loitering---waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.

     "When we reach the station, that will be it!"  We cry, "When I'm 18."  "When I buy a new 450 SL Mercedes Benz!"  "When I put the last kid through college."  "When I have paid off the mortgage!"       "When I get a promotion."  "When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after!"

     Sooner or later we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all.  The true joy of life is the trip.  The station is only a dream.  It constantly outdistances us.

     It isn't the burdens of today that drive men mad.  It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow.  Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.

     So, stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles.  Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less.  Life must be lived as we go along.  The station will come soon enough.

Long Overdue...

Holy smokes!  I knew it had been awhile since I posted a post--I guess I just didn't realize it was way back in July.  Smack dab in the dog days of summer and now I am sitting here in a long sleeved shirt and socks.  Where did the time go?
This summer flew by for me which is good and bad.  The bad is that summer flew by and now winter is going to show its ugly face in no time.  The good is that it flew which usually means that fun was had. I had a bunch  of fun this summer.  The past couple months have been filled with boating, cabin trips, a couple weddings, a long weekend to Chicago and neglecting to properly water my yard.
So although I do plan on A. blogging about Chicago and B. Telling you about other things that may or may not interest you, I am going to leave you with some pictures that have described what I've been up to--because you know what they say...a picture is worth a thousand words.
Pardon me if you've seen these via Instagram...some of these pictures are just too dear to my heart not to share again.  :)
Oh and fall is almost here (it's official on Sunday, did you know what?) which means Honeycrisp's are in season. Grab yourself some next time you are at the store; you won't regret it.
And now for a few photos:

Caitlin and I being geeky outside of the Twins game.

If this crew didn't take Chicago by storm, I don't know who else would...

That's one small food for man.  One giant pumpkin for mankind. #mnstatefair

My favorites.

A vintage chair that I had been eyeing on Craigslist showed up in my driveway one day.  Aren't surprises the best?!?

A pit stop at our old SCSU stompin' grounds on the way up to Kari's cabin.  She's lookin' a bit run down these days, but that didn't stop the memories from pouring out of our mouths!

We made it to the cabin, but we were missing one vital person at that kitchen table.  She knows who she is.

The before. (excuse the yellow-ness--that's what you get with a phone camera + very poor lighting)

The After.

That's it!

Speaking of before and afters, or just photos in general...October is right around the corner which means...wait for it....yes, you guessed it!  My THIRD ANNUAL 30 Day Photography Challenge will be starting Tuesday, October 1.  I know you can't hardly wait!

We Be Bloomin'

So much to blog about, so little time.  I have had great brainstorming sessions with myself lately on posts that would be awesome to write about, but taking the time to sit down and actually put fingers to keyboard is kind of low on the priority list at the moment.  I want to be better, I swear.  I'm trying.  Until then, you know those animated gifs that you may or may not have seen that have taken over the internet?  Most are funny, some are weird and some are just there.  Although this is a really really bad one, I took a shot at one this weekend.  My Just Add Ice Orchid is just about in full bloom right now and Friday when I got home from work I noticed that a bud was about to pop open.  So I put my creative cap on and took a picture Friday, Saturday and Sunday of the same bud.  Now this is nowhere near perfect and was taken in not the right light at non-consistent angles with the camera on my phone so the quality is fair to poor, but hey, it's my first attempt at an animated gif to be sent out into the universe so just deal with it.
So while I contemplate writing future posts about:
- Running into a former classmate at Target
- Men's vs. Woman's brains and they way they operate
and
- My guestroom mini makeover, hopefully this lovely flower in bloom will make you at least smile a bit.
Oh and by the way, in case you care, I ended up getting a new fridge.  I ordered it from Lowes.com and it was delivered the next day.  I am pretty happy with it.

This Calls For A Blog Post

I did the unthinkable.  After my jean shopping disaster that has been the last year plus, I decided to take a risk.  Shortly after my last post I decided to do a quick online search for the exact pair of jeans that I have at home that I love.  I love them except for the fact that they have holes in them and they would never fly for wearing to any sort of occasion outside of a BBQ and they would never pass the "please follow the dress code" rule that is put at the end of every "Jeans Day" email that comes through every so often at work.  So I do a quick Google search and low and behold, a handful of the exact jeans that I am looking for appears in the first search result on Ebay.  At first I couldn't even bring myself to click on it.  "Used jeans??... I don't think so."  But then my wise, 31 year old brain thought twice.  Why not, I thought.  Why not give them a shot.  What do I have to lose?  So I did some digging and found the pair that looked the best.  They were the right color, the butt pockets didn't have any crazy stitching, they were just what I was looking for.  And the best part??  They were $11.  Eleven dollars people.  For like-new jeans that normally cost $90.  The shipping was $5 and they were to arrive in four days.  I really couldn't go wrong.  And if for some reason they didn't work out, I was only out $16.  So not four, but TWO days later, the jeans are in my mailbox, folded all pretty in the smallest UPS cardboard envelope available.  I took them out, tried them on and they fit like a glove!  Just like I remember them doing in stores long ago before the skinny jean craze took over!  I was so happy I first of course went to a mirror to check out my rear end to make sure that looked ok.  After I was ok with that, I was over the moon and may have danced a little around in the living room with my like-new-from-a-stranger-jeans.  After a quick trip through the washer and dryer, they were officially mine and I could not be happier!!  I am so happy with them that I figured that with my vacation coming up, I could probably use a pair of capri's in the same make and model so off to Ebay I went and three short clicks later, I was the proud owner of another pair of internet, never-tried-on-before-pants.  This time the price of these were $16, but they shipped for free AND the extra bonus??  They still had tags on them!  Seriously people, I may be addicted to online used jean shopping from here on out.  It's super dangerous when you just take a quick gander on Ebay over lunch when your already signed in and PayPal has stored all of your credit card information.  No hunting for passwords, digging out your credit card from your purse or any fussing around--just click,  click and click and boom, you've bought jeans.  The carpri's also arrived in my mailbox already and they too fit perfect.  So there you have it, my used jean buying experience.
My friend texted me the other night and said "did your jeans ever come in the mail?"  I responded with "yes, they came last week and fit like a glove!!  I ordered another pair this week and they came already!"  We then went back and fourth a couple times about the jeans and I said "this calls for a blog post". 

Note, these are not my legs nor my jeans.  I am not even sure if this is the exact replica of my jeans but I figured I better have a picture in this post to even out all the text.

Walmart Run

Things I witnessed and/or Discovered On My 30 Minute Walmart Trip Today Over Lunch:

• A grown woman was wearing shorts and sandals.  Let's be reminded that it's only 39 degrees outside today, not 70.
• The boy working in the electronics department claimed he knew nothing about antennas for old tube TV's...turned out he knew more than he thought - I bought one.
• Don't try to ring up any electronic device in the self-checkout line...it will ask you to set you electronic aside and a service team member will assist you.
• The head of the self-checkout section disguises herself in street clothes and doesn't stay at her assigned perch at the head of the four-section self-checkout section.  Once her attention is finally got, said person can't figure out the electronic device hiccup either and sends me to a regular cashier.  I wonder how she got promoted to Head Cashier...
• Walmart needs to have cashier lanes open closer to the regular door, not just over by the grocery section.
• While waiting in the new line, the elderly cashier says hello to two people who walk past her line.  She calls the first one by name (Gloria) and does a long, awkward wink at Gloria's friend who is close behind.  I got the feeling that the elderly cashier and Gloria's friend know something about Gloria that Gloria doesn't know they know.
• Elderly cashier called me honey about 6 times in my 2 minute visit with her.
• While making the long trek to the opposite end of the store with my new purchases, I passed the head of the self-checkout (woman disguised in her street clothes).  We made eye contact and she didn't even bother to ask if I had gotten everything figured out ok.  She probably forgot who I was in that short amount of time even though I was carrying a large shovel...the same shovel she had to avoid and step around when she first tried and failed at helping me ring up my electronic device.
• As I was leaving the parking lot some woman in a large truck thought she owned the entire lot and was driving right down the middle of the isle.  Luckily I have a small car so I could avoid her with ease.  I may have said a profanity to myself as I passed her.  In her defense I was driving down the wrong way, but still...it was a short distance that I had to go and there was no need for her to drive right down the middle, especially when she could clearly see me coming.

Do You Hear What I Hear...

A hum, a hum, ringing in ear, let me bring it Q-Tips and Peroxide.  Let me bring it Q-Tips and Peroxide.

So late last week I got what I thought to be water stuck way in my right ear.  It hung around for a few days and by day three I figured it must be wax build up.  I self-diagnosed and poked, paraded and finally did a hydrogen peroxide flush to try to get that waxy bugger out.  No luck.  I couldn't hear and had this irritating hollow sound in my head for days.  Can you say annoying?  I also started "hearing things" too.  While at work, between my heater being on and having only one good ear, I kept thinking I was hearing the Phil Phillips song playing all day long...you know the part where he sings (actually now that I think of it, is he singing or is it some sort of instrument?) all those "dooos"?.... :  "dooooo do do do do do doooo" That's what I was "hearing" with the combination of the heater and the muffled hollow sound in my head.  Low and behold when my feet were cooked to medium rare, I shut my heater off only to hear the complete opposite of Phil Phillips serenading the office on the Blend XM.
Thursday night I was at my breaking point.  I was annoyed that I had to say "what" five thousand times a day and my ear actually hurt to sleep on it.  I slept on my opposite side and ended up not hearing my alarm in the morning because my bad ear was up.  It was time to see a doctor to get this thing out.
I was actually excited to go in.  I had heard stories of people going in to get wax build up flushed out and all this wax comes flooding out like Niagara Falls and I couldn't wait to see that sight.  I know it's gross, but admit it, it's kind of cool.  After the doctor put stool softener (weird, no?) in my ear and streamed water into my canal, out popped this chunk of wax.  It was over in seconds.  To quote my doctor: "Well that's no fun".  A chunk of wax about half the size of my pinky nail came out.  Insert disappointment here.  So much for the river of wax that I secretly hoped would exit my head.  Oh well...at least I know I keep a somewhat clean ear canal.
I also had a small infection so now I am on that Amox (I am not going to spell it out because A., I don't know the spelling and B., I don't care enough to look it up) drug for 10 days. 
Onward and Upward!

Who?

Yesterday my friend Kari and I went to the MOA to see the HGTV Property Brothers.  I am sure any HGTV Junkie will know who these brothers are but for those in the back, these guys are identical twins that have a show on HGTV.  One is a realtor and one is a contractor.  They take people looking to buy a house and help them find one...but with a little twist.  The couple will tell the brothers (Jonathan and Drew...Jonathan being the longer-haired, contractor in the plaid shirt and Drew being the realtor in the shirt and tie) what they are looking for in a house and what their budget is.  Most people have super high expectations and a lot on their "checklist" that they want.  Drew and Jon will first take them to a house that meets all of their requirements but unknown to the future home buyers, is way out of their budget.  The brothers are basically giving them a reality check and saying "Listen, you want all of this stuff but can't afford it.  Why don't we find you a fixer-upper that we can modify to meet more of your needs and wants."  This is where Jonathan comes in with his eye for opening up walls, renovating kitchens and everything in between.  He takes the run-down homes and does a computer generated design of what a couple of the fixer-uppers could look like.  The couple then picks one home and Jonathan gets to work.  It's a fun show and the brothers are cute together and even cuter together in real life.

Kari and I stood in line for about an hour, got a wrist band, waited for another hour and then the brothers came out and spoke for about a half hour and then signed autographs and took pictures.  I had them sign a paint sample swatch for me just to be a little different. 

 I also may have brought Jonathan something special...I gave him a before & after picture of my bathroom renovation project and on the back I put a picture of myself and said something along the lines of: "Jonathan, this is for inspiration for your next bathroom renovation.  Check out my blog (insert link here) to see more pictures (or just to drop me a line...I am also single!)."  It's a long shot but you never know!  They claim they answer all of the questions they get through their Facebook and Twitter accounts...I wonder if this counts as a question and if they will take the time to visit my blog...  :)

You did what?

Last night my friend Jessie and I did the unthinkable.  We waited in a 3+ hour line to get a book signed by two of our favorite bloggers.  Have you heard of the blog Young House Love?  No?  Well I highly recommend going to it.  In a nutshell they are a 30 year old husband and wife who started a blog a handful of years ago.  It started like my measly blog, a few followers here and there with mainly family and close friends checking in on them.  Well their blog exploded and now gets over 5,000,000 (that's million if you're counting the zero's) hits a month.  Their blog is all about DIY (Do It Yourself) around the house and they occasionally throw in posts about their life in general.  They are self-taught DIY-ers and learn as they go and they share it with the world.  They both eventually quit their full time regular jobs and now they make a living writing their blog.  They have written a book and last night they made the West Elm store in Edina a stopping place on their tour.  To say Jessie and I were as giddy as two school girls waiting for the cute boys at recess would be an understatement.  I'd be lying if I told you that we WEREN'T somewhat rehearsing what we would say to John and Sherry once we got to the table to meet them.
I surprisingly wasn't as nervous as I thought I was going to be once I got up to the table but I made a huge nerd of myself by doing the following:  I had a specific thing in mind that I wanted them to write in my book so when John took my book when Jessie and I got up to the table, I said something like "oh John, I have something in mind that I want you to write".  Then I said "It seems so weird to call you by your first name, like I actually know you or something."  They both laughed and then John said "That's OK, most people call me by my first name."  Anyway, the four of us shared a little laugh, they signed both of our books and and we took a picture with them.  They were so nice, it made me like their blog that much more!  Oh and the signing was supposed to go from 6:00 to 8:00.  From the time the doors opened, it took us until just about 8:00 to get our turn and their was still a line out the door when we left a little after 8:00.  I would be willing to bet they didn't turn anyone away and were at the store signing until at least 11:00.

Some snaps from the night:

The backs of Sherry and John through the window.

 

Jessie and her book.

 

Young House Love cookies.

 

Me and my book and cookie.

 

Jessie and I.

 

Us and the celebrities!

 My signed book (kind of obvious, I know).