Trolling Craigslist: Free Stuff

Sometimes my dad and I like to browse the "Free" section of Craigslist just for kicks.  Then we'll email the listings to each other and crack up.  We love to find out what "great finds" people are willing to put out there instead of just throwing away.  While looking the other day, a few caught my eye and I thought I would share.  It's not always the item itself that makes the cut of stupidity, but the brilliant editing (or lack of) that went into the description of the free item.  And sometimes it's a little combination of both the item and the description.  Here goes, in order of not-so-bad to horrible:

Item 4. Trampoline.

 

 

Could you get a little further away from the Trampoline next time?  I know there's a ton of snow out in your backyard and probably loads of dog poop to avoid, but a picture from a little closer than 50 yards away would be nice.  Especially so I can get a close up of the "kissing" metal pole.  Please explain what exactly that is...

Item 3: Plastic Tables and Chairs

 

 

Oh Rick, Rick, Rick....please...don't waste my time by posting this ad if you can't even set the chairs and tables upright to take the picture.  I mean I know you're moving and all and are in a rush to get rid of your shit, but please, just leave them on the deck for the next sorry soul to deal with or throw them away.  If I remember correctly, those things snap apart on a dime, so just pay the neighbor kid a few bucks to smash them with a baseball bat and they'll fit in your garbage can just fine.  Don't make us waste your time twice by asking for another picture of them in their correct, upright position.

 

Item 2: Little Tikes Picnic Table

 

 

 

Where to even begin?  There is so much wrong with this I suppose I'll just start from the top.  The grainy, out of focus picture?...if you're going to rip off a picture from the internet, at least know how to correctly search for an image that is the right size so it won't be a pixelated mess when you upload it.  And while we're at it, don't steal images off the internet and think that people are dumb enough to believe that's the actual picture of your item.

Thank you for letting us know the squirrels are evil in your neighborhood.  Because they are perfect angels everywhere else I've seen.  A little duct tape would make it perfect?  Why didn't I think of that??  Or better yet, why didn't you?  Can't you just fix your own table with duct tape and keep it in your squirrel infested yard?  I'm sure the kids that you force to sit there will welcome fraying silver tape sticking to their sweat pants when they try to get up from arts and crafts time.  And I am absolutely shocked that the umbrella isn't included!  What ever could have happened to it?? 

And I will be sure to flick off the squirrels as I drive off with my new, perfectly chewed up plastic picnic table.  I'm sorry you couldn't keep your patio chairs around--maybe you should have put them on Craigslist for free, too.  I'm sure a little duct tape would have kept those puppies in perfect shape for a few more years.  Let me know how it goes next year with those squirrel traps. 

 

Item 1: Balloons

 

 

FINALLY!  The Gods have smiled down upon me and answered my prayers!  You don't how long I've waited to find four, pre-blown up balloons in random colors.  And for FREE at that!  These are just the thing I need!

Seriously???  What the??  Who in their right mind would take the time to take a picture of four, non-helium filled balloons, type up an ad and upload it to Craigslist and try to get rid of them??  Probably the same kind of person who gives out mints as Halloween candy (see basket in picture).

I have some other ways you could get rid of them...need I list them?

     1. Keep them around for two days and they will eventually shrivel up into avocado size balls and  

         you can throw them away.

     2. Do you have a pin, a knife, a fork, a match?  All of these will get rid of the balloons in a snap.

     3. Give them to the guy with the picnic table and his squirrels will probably take care of them for

         you.

"Our loss is your gain."...?  Ok, now this is a bit dramatic, don't you think?  It will more than likely be your loss because by the time you find someone stupid enough to drive to pick up four random balloons, they will have been deflated, right along with your ego.

 

The Armpit of Home Improvement Stores



I am officially boycotting Menards for an unknown amount of time.  It could be a month, it could be a year.  It probably won't be forever because I can't hold a grudge that long, but I am really upset with them at the moment.  I had a meltdown at the customer service counter on Sunday and it wasn't pretty.  I would have said a lot more and had planned to say a lot more to the lady at the counter but I was on the brink of tears and I didn't want to lose my cool AND my emotions both in the span of 1 minute.  The story is hard to explain over type and I get a lot more animated when I tell the story in person, but the story goes a little something like this:

I went to Menards Sunday morning at 7:40 (not knowing it opened at 8:00), waited 20 minutes to get in to buy TWO things:  a heat register and a threshold for the floor transition between the kitchen and hallway.  Of course, being the sh!t hole store it is, they only have ONE of two possible registers that I need in stock.  I didn't know the exact measurements so I was going to buy one of each size and return one.  One size was totally emptied out and the other size had ONE left and not to mention, it had a small bend in it.  So I kind of wandered around hoping to find an employee who could check in back for more for me but no luck.  So I walked over and got the threshold and went back to the register aisle.  After waiting for about two minutes I decided to leave the aisle and see if I could get some help.  So I walked up the main aisle and met up with this tall dope of a guy who works in the paint department and is ALWAYS there and he is just a huge dufus and a complete moron and not to mention totally RUDE.  I asked him if I could get some help in the register aisle.  So he waltzes as slow as he can over to his precious paint desk, helps someone else first and then calls someone to come and help me.  As I'm staring him down the entire time, he shouts over: "he'll be right there".  So I go back to the aisle and wait and wait and wait and wait.  By this time my blood is boiling and I'm on the verge of just throwing my two items into the middle of the aisle and walking out.  Instead of losing my cool in the aisle with nobody around, I march up to the service counter in the front of the store where a man is filling out some paperwork to rent a some equipment and another lady is kind of fiddling with her receipts so she's really not in line yet.  So I go up to the older lady at the counter (rather than dealing with the two teenage workers who won't care, anyway), slam down my two items and in the middle of my hands shaking, my voice trembling and me trying to hold back tears I say something along the lines of this: 

               "Hi.  I'm sure you don't care but I'm going to tell you anyway.  I came here and waited in your parking lot for the store to open to buy TWO things...TWO THINGS!  I come in here and out of all the registers and popular sizes, you have ONE of the two most popular sizes.  One bin is completely empty and the other had ONE.  I asked the F*cking DOPE in the paint department to help me and he waltzed as slow as he possibly could over to his desk to call on the walkie talkie to have someone come over and help me.  I waited and waited and waited and nobody came.  So now I have to drive to WOODBURY to get these two things when I live five minutes from here.  GOODBYE!"

And with that, I turned and walked out, slamming the door open (and PRAYING that I was pushing open the right side, as opposed to the side with the hinges!) as I left and shouting "God this store irritates me!"

 

And that is why I am currently boycotting Menards.  I'll save big money elsewhere.

URGENT!!!

I interrupt this 30 Day Photography Challenge to bring you some breaking news!

AP NEWS WIRE: 2013. Oct 21 12:36 PM CDT
HASTINGS (AP) Facebook was down early this morning and may still be experiencing some minor glitches.  I hope your food supply is high and the batteries in your flashlights are fresh--the world may stop spinning.  Everybody please go into panic mode because the World is currently in a state of Code Red.

Ok, in all seriousness... That blurb did not actually come from the Associated Press, I of course crafted that one up, but still.  In all reality Facebook was and maybe still is experiencing glitches early this morning.  I know this because a big portion of my job requires me to be on Facebook.  When Facebook wasn't cooperating with me for about a half an hour this morning, I decided to take matters into my own hands and figure out what was going on.  So I did the most logical thing:  I went to Twitter.
I logged onto Twitter, searched the hashtag "Facebook" and wouldn't you know, the answer to my question was in front of my eyes, about 1000 times, in 140 characters or less.  Who knew that Facebook being in a state of semi-limbo could cause such a fuss.  I grabbed a few screen shots of the twitter feed for proof.
Allow me:

Believe me, this bunch of tweets was just a small portion of the tweets out there.  Did you notice that actual, real-life NEWS channels were tweeting this garbage out???  One tweet (not shown) actually said that a NATIONAL news station in the UK actually talked about the story ON AIR.  Either it was a really slow news day over there, Princess Kate wasn't anywhere to be found so they could photograph her 'post-baby bod' or Facebook is truly taking over our lives.  We need to get a handle on this.  It is really sad.
My favorite tweets of course are the ones who are making fun of the fact that FB was down.  Like when Rob Johnson or @RobOnTheRun said: "#Facebook down?!! How will the girl who didn't talk to me in high school flood my news feed with pics of her 4th daughter's beauty pageant?!" and when Mark Arum or @MarkArum said: "#Facebook is down.  I have no way of knowing if my friends took their kids apple picking or pumpkin picking this weekend."
Hopefully Facebook will be back online soon so we can get on with our lives, jobs and so that Zuckerberg and Google can continue to take over the world one LIKE at a time.

They Paved Paradise and Put Up A Walmart

A little known fact about my home town of Cottage Grove, MN is that we have, or make that had one of the last few remaining drive-in movie theaters left in the state.  It was old, it was charming and I know I was only there a few times in my adult life, but it was fun.

 

After a few years of battling the city, home owners behind the theater land and I would assume a majority of the residents of Cottage Grove, the other side finally won (or possibly our side gave up?). I am sad to say that in this charming site where people once flocked to on warm Friday and Saturday summer evenings, a huge conglomerate that will more than likely be open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, will rear it's ugly face.  Yes, I am sad to say that a Walmart will be in its place.  

This is not the actual building yet.  This was borrowed from Google images.

I unfortunately have to drive by the excavation site twice a day and ever since the first backhoe appeared, I can't help but think of Joni Mitchell or the Counting Crows singing Big Yellow Taxi..."They paved paradise and put up a parking lot" almost every time I drive by.  What used to be covered with trees, dusty gravel and old posts with speakers that were no longer needed is now covered with power equipment, huge holes and trees missing as far as you can see.  I can now see houses from the highway that I could never see before.  It's so depressing.  It also reminds me of a line from You've Got Mail, when Kathleen Kelly has to close her book shop.  She says: "My store is closing this week.  I own a store.  It's a lovely store.  And in a week it will be something really depressing...like a Baby Gap."  

Why these people are clapping on the ground breaking day, I have no idea.  They obviously forgot what a little gem this was not only to our city but to our state. 

This is an actual still from the video the local paper shot during groundbreaking.  Credit goes to the South Washington County Bulletin.

I suppose this could be a good thing.  I mean the closest Walmart stores are a whole 10 miles away in either direction.  Heaven forbid we travel any further than necessary to get to a place where you can buy milk, a bra, sliced ham and a bathmat all at 3:00 in the morning.

One more thing before I close, I am going to share a little text message exchange from January 10, 2013 with one of my friends.  He has a good sense of humor and well, here is our exchange.  It's like a little foreshadow of what's to come:

Me: It's 39 degrees outside and I just saw an overweight woman in shorts and sandals.  This doesn't surprise me as I am at Walmart.

Drew: Well at least they'll be invading the old drive in now...the level of spandex and oversized t shirts will be going up exponentially in CG

I couldn't have said it better myself.

oooh ooh ooh I'm on fire...

This is a true story based on real events.  The other character in this story has been given a fake name in case this post ever gets into the wrong hands.  Not that what I am about to tell you is bad, I just don’t want this said person to have to relive the story I am about to tell if she would ever be questioned by some random blog reader.  You know, the whole 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon thing…or however that goes.

 So the other day (ok, it was more like 2 months ago, but who’s counting?) I was in Target and I ran into a classmate of mine.  Let’s call her Charlotte.   Let me preface this story by telling you something that you may or may not know about me.  For some unknown reason, whenever I get the slightest bit uncomfortable or really for just any random reason out of the blue, my face will get beet red.  I am talking, red like the 3M logo, red like a Skittles bag and a shade of pink a pig would be envious of.  Seriously.  Anything could set fire to this mug of mine.  And it especially happens when I see people I know in a non-normal spot.  Like I could see you every day of my life at work and be totally fine, but if I see you in Target, you will hardly recognize me because my face will be blaze red.  You will think I have contracted some sort of weird skin abnormality.  I am telling you… my mom could appear at a random spot where I happen to be and I would start getting mild hot flashes.  It’s a condition that I am not happy about but I doubt they have medication for besides maybe a doctor prescribed verbal “Relax” command that would cure it.

OK, so a while back I am in the local Target store browsing through the sheet aisle.  I have this bench that I am lugging around the store with me so it doesn’t fall into some strangers hands and I don’t get the chance to buy it.  I also have at least two throw pillows on top of this bench.  It’s still somewhat cold outside so I have my somewhat warm jacket on.  Not the thick, thick one, but somewhere between that and a spring jacket.  So I am in the sheet aisle with my bench and throw pillows kind of overtaking the area round me.  I glance over my shoulder when I see a girl pushing a cart and is going to attempt to get by me.  I move my bench and take a brief glance at who is approaching me.  I look away and then do a double-take because I realize it is someone I graduated with.  This person also does a double take and we realize that we know each other.  We do the “hi, how are you?” exchange and I think that’s the end of it.  I think that’s the end of it because we weren’t friends in high school.  Not like were enemies, we just didn’t hang with the same crowd and therefore never had any sort of relationship besides maybe the shared class or two through our school years together.  Because of this, I don’t really see a reason for the conversation to carry on much farther than that.  It’s not that I wasn’t interested in her life, I just really don’t like small talk for fear of the face reddening problem mentioned above.  Also note this,…the wonderful Facebook has come into our lives since we graduated in the grand year of 2000, so not only am I “friends” with people on Facebook that I am not now nor have ever been friends with in real life, I find out information about them when it appears in my newsfeed that I would not otherwise know.  This person I ran into had been appearing in my feed a lot in the past few weeks so I pretty much knew things that any non-friend would never know.  So I already know somewhat about Charlotte’s life; some things by chance because of good old Facebook algorithms and some things by hearsay from whomever around town. 

So Charlotte starts to make small talk and the panic sets in.  My face proceeds to get red and then suddenly the hot flashes start.  This next part is so hard to explain, I can barely type it out in a way you will understand just how awful and uncomfortable this scene was.  She asks me simple questions and before I know it, I am for some reason so flustered I cannot remember what I do for a job.  Of course I know where I work, but I can’t think of my title or stammer out a coherent sentence as to explain what I do on a day to day basis.  I finally mumbled something about social media and quickly asked her about herself so my interrogation would be over.  This is fairly difficult for me because I am now fully aware that I must look like I just stepped out of an hour long tanning bed session and the florescent lights up above are probably making the tiny sweat beads on my forehead shine like a Harry Winston on the red carpet.  This is also difficult for me because I already KNOW a lot of the key events that have just happened in Charlotte’s life, one of them being as major as that she had a baby.  However, how stupid would it look if I let on that I know all of this information after I haven’t seen her for 13 years but I see it show up in my newsfeed?!?!  So I play dumb and only half listen as she explains her current situation and I am just praying for this awkwardness to be over.  I seriously don’t know what has come over me, this reddened face situation is definitely the worst I have ever experienced.  I can feel my face getting more and more heated as she talks.  I wish I could just run for the hills. 

We chatted for what felt like an eternity when it was probably only 2 minutes, tops.  But of course we both still have to be in the same aisle because neither of us had picked out our sheets yet.  We stand there uncomfortably (well, at least I am uncomfortable) and browse the sheets.  I am still so nervous and all weird acting, so I mumble something clever like “I don’t even really know what I am looking for”.  She doesn’t respond, thankfully.  She probably wants to get the hell out of there as soon as she can after the weird display I had just put on.

About 45 seconds later she is gone.  We say our goodbyes and she pushes her cart off into the sunset.  I bend at the knees and kind of do a squat thing and pretend I am looking at the sheets on the bottom shelf, when in all reality, I am taking deep breaths and trying to regain my composure.  I run the back of my hand over my brow and I am not lying, my hand is wet from sweat when I remove it.  I then stand up after I calm down and not only can I feel that my lower back is sweating, but I can also feel now that I have squatted and stood back up, that I have sweat behind my knees.  Seriousy people, Behind the Knee Sweat!?!  I thought that was only reserved for park benches and plastic stadium seats in the middle of August!!  One would have thought it was 98 degrees with 75% humidity in that store.  I could not believe it.  I was mortified but at the same time I was in shock of the display of weird nervous energy that was just put out for the world to see.  What is wrong with me?!?  I purchase my things and leave the store and cannot help but laugh to myself.  Hopefully I will never run into that person again. If so, I hope she is smart enough to just say a quick ‘hi’ and we can move on with our lives. On a side note, I no longer see Charlotte's Facebook stories in my newsfeed.  That could mean that A., she hardly posts anymore or B., she un-friended me.  I would put money on B.

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

But I try and I try and I try and I try.  I can't get NO!

Seriously people.  Will one of you appliance specialists just take my money and get me the fridge that I want without any questions asked???  I am shoving it in your face but based on your lack of customer service, you don't want to take it and frankly, I am reluctant to give it to you after the past 24 hours.

Lowes:   Your people were MIA last night when I went to your store to look at a fridge that I figured (based on your website) you would have on your 'showroom' floor -- I use that term lightly.  I was second guessing my measurements after seeing some of your samples so I left without muttering a word to anyone of your 'sales' people about the fridge I was considering buying.

Best Buy: You were by far the cheapest and I thought most helpful when I called you today asking if a specific model number of refrigerator was on your floor for me to come and look at after work.  "let me go check" said the girl on the phone. 
Leiann on hold.....
Girl gets back to Leiann:  yep, we have it.
Leiann:  Ok great.  It's $399, right? 
Girl: Yep
Leiann:  And free delivery/haul away?
Girl: Yep!
Leiann enters store at 5:00.  Goes to the appliance dept. where there is no sign of said fridge.
Leiann starts fuming.
Leiann asks sales person for help.
Leiann explains issue (see above) and tells said sales person about the dip shit on the phone who lied to her about having the fridge on the floor for her to see.
Sales person proceeds to tell Leiann that he was right next to dip shit sales girl when she took the call.  Instead of going to look for particular fridge Leiann was asking about, she asks dip shit sales person #2 if they have this specific fridge.  Dip shit #2 says yes, they have it out.  Current sales person telling me this story told dip shit #1 that they did NOT in fact, have the fridge on the floor but dip shit sales girl #1 instead listens to dip shit #2.
Current sales guy tells me that the Maplewood store FOR SURE has one out on their floor for my viewing pleasure.  Like that's supposed to make this ordeal all that much better.
Leiann leaves Best Buy in a huff and goes to Home Goods two doors down to look for bedding.
No wonder Best Buy had to do massive layoffs. 

Warner's Stellian:  A very tall boy/guy helps me in the store and for some reason I am absolutely shocked by his height and it actually startles me and I say something about it.  He had a really deep/mumbly voice and I don't think he knew how to handle my height remark.  Of course I don't find what I am looking for on your showroom floor either.  Although you are $100 more than the current Best Buy price, after my run in with them, I just may pay the extra dough.  I ask tall boy if they do price matching (I think this is the very first time I have ever asked this at a retail store--I am always afraid).  Tall boy stumbles through a "yes but it has to be 'apples and apples'"...funny tall boy, I thought you sold appliances.  After fidgeting on his trusty computer and clearing a text message off his phone, tall boy shows me the screen where Best Buy says shipping will be $69.  "But if you can get written proof that they said it was free, we'll match it".  Please tall boy, like I'm going back to that store just to get written proof??  I think not.  Tall boy then mumbles that if I ordered it today I could have it by Friday and there was the model I am looking for on dislplay at their St. Paul store.  Again, like I want to go out to your St. Paul store to look at this fridge just so I can spend $100 MORE??  Tall boy, get it together - if you knew what was good for you (and your store), you'd sell me the fridge for $399 like Best Buy and deliver it for free since you do that anyway and then I would not be writing this blog post.
Was it the height remark that made you not like me??  I guess I can understand.

In closing, maybe I'll just go to Home Depot or maybe I just won't get a new fridge at all.  I kind of like waiting 15 minutes for my ice cream to thaw just enough for me to struggle scooping through it. And although they are in the fridge, I really enjoy frozen lettuce and carrots. 
Don't even comment that it may be the temperature setting that's the problem--I'm not that dumb.

An Ode to the Weekend

This past weekend I was a 14 again, the Parking Police and a disgruntled jeans shopper.

This post isn't going to be as bad as it sounds.  It's not at all a bad thing that I was all three characters this weekend--I loved every second of it!

14 again - I spent Friday and Saturday night babysitting.  Well, technically Friday wasn't real BABYsitting as more of "hanging out with a 6 year old".  It was cool.  I was brought back to the land of Pretend, was reminded how really bad, but oh so good The Brady Bunch episodes really are and realized as an adult how kids at that age have already gotten it all figured out in the "I'll test you" department.

Saturday I really did BABYsit for my nephew.  It was pretty standard in the life of watching an 8-month old. Eat, change, laugh, play, bath, bed.  He is really the sweetest baby you'll ever meet.  :)

The Parking Police - While walking into Cub Saturday morning, right there, smack dab in the front of the store, between the In & Out doors is a mini van literally half parked on the sidewalk, right in front of the water softener pellets.  Normally, this kind of behavior, although annoying and uncalled for, would have just rolled off my shoulders and I would have let it go.  But not this time.  Why not this time, you ask?  Because it was the second time I had witnessed this ridiculous behavior in a month (different vans, same situation).  It's gotta stop and how's it gonna stop if nobody says anything?  This younger (probably mid to late 30's) mom was, I am not joking, parked about 10 feet from the building.  Just sitting there obviously waiting for someone who was inside the store.  If two people with carts were trying to go down the sidewalk to get to their parking spot, they wouldn't have fit through.  This woman was just sitting in this van, yacking on her phone like she was Queen Bee.  Did she not feel remotely stupid that half of her lame Chevy van was on the sidewalk in the front of a building???  Did she not notice that people were literally avoiding not running into her parked van??  I wasn't going to put up with hit.  I gave her an evil eye as I passed but she didn't even flinch.  I got about two steps past the passenger side door and I decided to go back.  I walked back, stared into her window until she finally used her peripheral vision and spotted me standing there.  She tilts her phone away from her chin and just looks at me like "huh"..."duh"??  And I say "You aren't supposed to park here" loudly through her closed window.  Then she must have said "hang on" into her phone and she proceeds to roll down the passenger side window.  I say again, as the window is now half down "You aren't supposed to park here".  And she says all innocently and dopey "oh, ok".  It's like c'mon lady, what do you think??  I think she thought I was a worker or something because there was actually a hint of *worry* in her voice--like "oh no, the Cub Parking Lot Police are going to get me if I don't move".  Anyway, I hope I got her to move.  That behavior is just plain rude.  I was kind of hoping for a small nod of appreciation from some customers who witnessed my random act of rule obeying, but nobody seemed to care or they were too scared that I might judge the way they push their carts through the toothpaste isle or something.

And not that this has anything to do with the Parking Lot Police, but does it take anyone else like 10 minutes to pick out garbage bags??  How come there are like 2 sizes of bags but I swear, the section takes up a quarter of the isle??  I find myself second guessing my gallon size, double-checking that this certain brand has the draw string ties and then comparing box counts to make sure I am not missing some big detail that will make me regret my garbage bag buying decision!

Disgruntled Jeans Shopper - I have been wearing the same two pairs of jeans (I refer to them as my 'fat jeans' solidly for the last 8 months.  I am tired of them.  They are virtually the same dark color, I want a lighter color pair and I want a better quality pair.  Every time I go shopping I look for jeans.  Sunday was no different.  I refuse to cave to the Skinny Jean craze.  People who aren't skinny shouldn't wear skinny jeans.  It says so right in the title.  America is overweight people, it's a proven fact.  Why are you still selling mostly skinny jeans???  Can't an average-size 31 year old just get a decent pair of boot cut jeans anymore?  Jeans that don't hang down to the middle of my butt crack, have just the slightest boot cut at the bottom and don't come with crazy flair or machine-made holes??

Anyway, that's it for me!  How was your weekend??

Can I Take A Minute...

I usually reserve this blog space for mainly lighthearted posts about things I find amusing or projects around my house but this morning, or at least for this post, I am changing it up a bit. Warning: This post is long, contains no pictures and is full of bad punctuation.

I am sure all five of you who read this blog know that I am single.  It's no secret.  Some of you may also know that I am the Queen of Blind Dates.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, you just think that maybe that one of these times, it would have worked out, or at least led to more dates.
I am one of the last of my close friends to be married.  A lot of them are starting to have kids now and I am nowhere near that.  Not that I should compare my life to theirs because I do lead a great life in many ways, it's just very hard to see your sibling and your close friends moving in the right direction while I'm stuck in Bad Blind Datesville, going nowhere fast.  Some may say I am too picky but they haven't been in my shoes so they don't know.  Some say there's nothing wrong with being picky.  I'll go with that.
Last night was no exception.  I was set up on a blind date and no offense to the person reading this who set me up, I know you didn't know him personally, it was a friend of a friend so it's not your fault.  Last night was the worst date I've ever been on.  I should have seen it coming after his first string of mind numbing text messages the weekend before Thanksgiving where in the span of four messages, he mentioned that he was "excited for the short week" three separate times.  Deep down, I knew it right then and there that he wasn't for me but I went with it, chalking it up to "he's just nervous".  Insert the second night of texting (still while not asking me out...  who has a conversation with a stranger via text??... I mean if we both know that we are supposed to be going on a blind date, just cut to the chase and let's set something up.  Mindless banter via text message with a stranger is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.) where he again starts his conversation by saying something weird and then for lack of better things to say, mentions once again that he's excited for the short week.  That was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Since his text was more of a statement than a question, I ignored it and decided this guy is not worth persuing.
Low and behold over a month goes by and he texts me again at the beginning of this month.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  For a minute I thought this was a sign that he might be the one.  Who contacts a stranger after a month of absence after they didn't respond to your "excited about the short week" comment?  The angel on my shoulder told me to go for it.  I opened my mind and told myself that those beginning texts were just nerves and that he is probably a good guy.  Although he did proceed to have an actual conversation with me via text message rather than calling or just setting up a time to get together, I again, ignored the devil on my other shoulder and told myself to suck it up.  The following night when another text came through and I could sense another drawn out conversation similar to the night before where topics consisted of his sisters trip to Mexico and asking if I bait the fish myself even though he knew that I don't fish (you think I'm kidding...), I nipped it in the bud and told him I was free this weekend if he wanted to get together.  To spare my sanity I said we could talk later in the week and decide where and what time to meet.  This was hopefully the subtle hint he needed NOT to text me again until we meet face to face.
Fast forward five days and we meet up for our date.  You know how they say "you'll just know".  Well "I just knew" within five minutes that I was never going to see this guy again after this date.  It was the longest three and a half hours of my life.  There were so many things wrong with it that if I listed them all you would probably not believe me and some of the things that he did I cannot imitate over type.  I spent the entire evening listen to him ramble on about his dog for a solid 20 minutes, his neighbors, his friends, his friends dogs and his friends ex-wives.  He did spend a good half hour talking about HIS job.  Oh and some of the snippets of his rambles were things like how him and his friend make their own alcohol and how he tackled someone on a party bus.  Seriously??  I think the only thing he found out about me was what I do for a job (and that is just while we were in the lobby waiting for a table, so I hardly got to elaborate) and my bowling average.  He never asked about me.  Is it so much to ask to take a little interest in the person who is sitting across from the table from you?  The person who is starving, no-less because she didn't eat after work, thinking that (duh!) people usually eat or at least ask the other person if they are hungry while on a date!  But no, the poor waitress kept coming over and asking us if we were fine as the menus just sat on the edge of the table teasing me while my stomach begged me to open one.  But nope, he didn't offer so I didn't eat.  Who doesn't at least ask a person if they are hungry?!?
Like I said, he found out nothing about me.  Nothing.  I tried to fit in things that I could relate to as he rambled on but if I said something (for instance, I had the opportunity to mention that we gutted my entire bathroom last winter) it was like I didn't even say it.  Did he not hear me?  He was looking right at me but declined to comment.  I was begging for time to go by faster but no luck.  At one time I went to the bathroom and texted the code phrase "Chandler's been in accident" (fast forward to about 3:50) to my friend.  That's the first time I've ever had to use it.  Three and a half hours, two beers for me, three for him, no food and some not-so-subtle-hints-that-we-should-go later, we left.  I am not even going to mention that I finally really took note of what he was wearing because that would be really shallow of me.
Thankfully we had to go separate ways to our cars and he asked if we could go out again and he threw in an excited-sounding "dinner next time?" like I was getting some sort of reward or something.  I of course couldn't be mean and say no to his face so I will wait until he texts me next to shoot him down.
I got in my car and I was in shock.  Total shock as to what had just happened in there.  All of a sudden I have tears in my eyes.  I called my mom to give her an update and the tears started to flow.  I don't know what came over me.  I woke up extra-early this morning and the flashbacks of the awful events of the night before came back to me and tears came again.  Even now as I type this, re-hashing the details, I have tears.  I'm not quite sure why...I don't even have my period, I shouldn't be this emotional!  Maybe it's because I thought 31 was going to be a good year for me.  Maybe because earlier this week Nat The Fat Rat wrote the sweetest post about how her and her husband met and it made think that something like that could happen to me.  Or maybe the tears are just plain anger.  Anger that a stranger that you are supposed to be "getting to know" on a first date can be so oblivious and self-involved that they don't take the time to find anything out about you.  I am not sure.  Either way, I vowed to my mom that I am never being set up again on another blind date and I am giving up.  She said she doesn't blame me and that maybe if I give up, something will come along when I least expect it.  My mom is usually right about everything so I am going with it.
I am sure in a few days I may somehow find the humor in it all but right now I am still sad.  Thanks for sticking with me through this.
Now back to regularly scheduled blogging.

Oxymoron?

Since owning my MINI Cooper, I don't think I've ever parked in a designated spot for "compact cars" until tonight.  Then ironically, I turn around less than three hours later and pay this much for gas.  Doesn't seem right, does it?

 

That's all I have to say about that.

Going Postal (Again!) at the bank

**Warning: Blog Post is shorter than it appears**

I am not going to tell the full story on this post for a few reasons:
A. I've told it a bunch of times already and chances are, if you are reading this, someone you know knows the story and can give you the in depth details and what "profanity" was actually used.
B. It's WAY to long to tell over type.
C. I've wasted two lunch hours, a few emails and several tried-but-no-answer-calls on this subject and I am about to be over it!

Anyway, remember back when I ranted and raved about the line at the drive thru at Wells Fargo?  That problem was MINOR compared to this one.  Now, I don't want to offend anyone who works at Wells.  I know a few of you out there either work, have worked, or know someone who works for the lovely establishment and I know you are great people...this is just me telling my story.  Or, wait, I forgot, I am not actually going to tell my whole story, but you get the gist.

Here goes...

Why do all of my bank problems stem from going to cash a simple check??  And better yet, why am I still going to cash/deposit checks??  I should take the advice from a friend and just download the app to snap a photo and have it directly deposited into my checking account.  Then, if really need the cash that bad, I can go to the ATM (the one without a fee of course).  I am all about customer service and keeping the PEOPLE employed, rather than machines, but after the hell I went through the past 4 or so days, I may have to bow down to a machine for future banking services.

Anyway, here are the cliff-notes from my experience:
- Thursday, October 13th, 2011 -- go to bank to cash check
- get advice from teller to 'quickly come into bank and talk to banker to adjust minor error'
- banker suggests moving a credit card to another account for a lower interest rate (totally unrelated to my inside visit in first place)
- Sunday, October 16th, 2011 -- visit wellsfargo.com to transfer money (also unrelated), see accounts are a MESS (for lack of better, internet-friendly words) and nothing that banker/i talked about is showing up.  A mysterious $102 'transfer fee' has also shown up.  send email to banker, request IMMEDIATE response Monday morning-- leave work phone and email
- Monday, no word from banker.  A few call, but no-answer, calls.  Monday over lunch-- go back into bank, speak to banker.  Banker denies getting email but suddenly sees it in inbox while i sit in bankers cube.  After a few phone calls on bankers end to bankers higher above, the account issues are solved, but fee is not.
- Still Monday over lunch, 35 minutes into visit with Banker --  Banker is on the phone with person XXX higher above, wondering about that fee.  I hear banker ask if it can be waved or if Ms. Wright can split it with us.  Banker gets put on hold.  Leiann goes Postal.  Leiann says "no" probably 6 times to banker, refuses to pay one dime of that transfer fee for an issue she didn't even come to bank for in first place.  Throw in a few very harsh profanities and Leiann is out the door, semi-threatening banker that if she doesn't hear from them by E.O.D, she will come back and continue to hound until it's resolved.
- Monday 3:00, still no word from banker.  Try to call branch, no answer there either; Leiann is really starting to question "customer service" and if it exists anymore.
- Monday 4:00.  Leiann finally gets hold of Banker, "still no word, I am waiting on (insert name here) to adjust it."  Leiann says she would please like an email by tomorrow telling her what the scoop is.
-Tuesday AM: Leiann opens email to see no email from banker.  Leiann emails banker, noting that no email came through telling her what the deal with the transfer fee is.  Banker writes back saying they is still working on it.
- Tuesday about an hour ago -- Leiann must have left quite the impact on the banker, or it's all just an act, she's not sure.  See email below:

(almost) going postal at the bank

My nice, 1/2 day off on a Friday before a long weekend went awry for about 20 minutes today... Can I vent and paint you a little picture of how my "quick trip" to the bank to cash a measly 16, yes that's right, SIXTEEN dollar check turned ugly?

I pulled into the wells fargo drive through during what most people would think would be a busy time of day...Friday, lunch time, a day before a holiday weekend.  One would think that the geniuses at wells fargo would know to stock pile drive through tellers on this particular afternoon.  Apparently, we thought wrong.

I pull up seeing cars A, B, and C (shown above) already starting their transactions..I think to myself "good, this will be quick".  Now the big dilemma as to what lane to pull into.  Normally I would go behind car A, but the combination of the over-chipper teller who insists on telling me her name, age and date of birth (ok, that was a little exaggerated, but they do tend to be over-nice sometimes) and how close she is to me when she tells me all of this information doesn't sit well with my brain today.  So, I proceed to pull behind car C.

I wait.  And wait.  And wait.

I am getting a little annoyed, but can handle it for now.  Another car (not shown), we'll call her car D, pulls in behind car A.  It's a run down car with more noises than the swine barn at the State Fair with a girl about my age driving.  Not too long after car D pulls in, car A is done....Of course, just my luck that car D gets her turn right away even though i have been waiting behind car C for about ten minutes (no exaggeration).  I try to remain calm...it's just then that I hear car D start telling the teller all of her problems and complaints about how she was over-drafted because she got extra money in her account somehow but the customer service people said the money was hers.  "so i used the money and then i checked the balance on my wells fargo app on my phone and i see that i have an overdraft. so i called customer service again and they were really rude" <--- note, this is NOT made up, I could clearly hear this girl because she had all of her windows down and mine was down too.  This back and fourth went on between car D and the teller for probably 3 minutes.  By now, more cars had pulled in and I am pretty sure everyone  could hear what was going on.  In the mean time, cars B and C are still in their original places--they haven't budged, which means I haven't budged.  To say I was mad would be an understatement.  I then hear the teller tell car D that she can pull around and go in and talk to someone inside about the rude customer service person.  Car D: "i don't have time, i have to go bring my car to the mechanic ("i should hope so", I say out loud), that was just my sister calling to tell me i have to meet her there".

By this time, the frustration is mounting...I can see others shaking their heads and I can't even imagine what's going on inside car B & C's heads...they've now been there longer than I have.

Without a thought in my mind, I shout (basically at the top of my lungs) "HURRY UP"! in the direction of the over-sharer who is in car D.  She kind of turns to see who is yelling and as she does, i throw my car in Reverse (thankfully nobody had pulled behind me yet), back up, throw it into Drive and storm off through the open ATM lane, looking over at the wall of windows where the under-staffed tellers are sitting, just shaking my head in disbelief.

UGH, I was so mad!  I was mad about it for a good 20 minutes after it happened...I ate some lunch and got over it...but now, as I sit and re-live it, I am getting mad again!  

The over-sharing of car D is one thing, but to even have to sit in line for ten minutes with only one car in front of you on a Friday over lunch is another.

I would call the local branch and complain, but I would probably have to press 1 for English and even then I would probably get transferred to call call bank in India where they still wouldn't understand me.

close, but no cigar...

Working in Dakota County, the water-cooler has been buzzing this morning (ok, that's an exaggeration...we don't actually have a water-cooler and I have only heard a few rumblings) because the winning Powerball ticket for last night's drawing was bought in Dakota County.  As far as I know, the winner of $228 mil. hasn't stepped forward yet and when I heard this news, I thought about my brother and sister-in-law who buy tickets all the time.  For a minute, I had high hopes that they were the winners and I would soon be getting rich from being the good sister + in law that I am.
Turns out, they didn't get tickets for last nights drawing so I am still the 'working hard for my money' person that I was last night.  I'm not saying that if they had bought tickets they would have won, but it obviously would give you more hope...Think of it, the winning ticket sold in your own backyard. 
How much do you want to bet that lottery sales for Minnesota will be a tad higher this week in hopes that luck will strike twice in one place?  I know I will opting not to 'pay at pump' today when I fill up on gas.  "Pump 7 and two Powerballs please".  And, "yes, I have cash for the Powerballs".

article from KSTP.com

Weird and Wacky Mail...I mean Male.

Once in awhile I will get an unmarked (or sometimes marked) envelope in the mail that is not junk mail. An instant smile comes across my face when I get a handwritten envelope addressed to me. Who doesn’t love a handwritten something? Yesterday this happened. I opened the mail box to see an envelope marked with blue ink. Now even though the envelope had a return address, I knew instantly by the handwriting who it was from. My friend has this funny thing she does once in awhile where she sends random things in the mail that she knows people will get a kick out of. It’s a great surprise, and they are always hilarious. Whether it’s a ridiculous Fashion Police section from US Weekly, a random advertisement or a wacky newspaper article, they always make my day.
I opened the envelope to find this article from the NY Post about a guy with Julia Roberts' face tattooed all over himself. Now my friend and I are big Julia Roberts fans; I am pretty sure we quote a line from My Best Friends Wedding every time we are together. I am not exaggerating. It’s a little weird, but not weirder than this:

Seriously, who would do this???? This is BEYOND obsessive. I am sure there are plenty of 12 year old girls out there with Beiber Fever and have his posters all over their bedrooms, but over 80 permanent tattoos of the same person? That is just freaky! If I was Julia I don’t know if I’d be more creeped out by the guy himself, or the fact that it looks like only 1 out of all those tattoos actually resembles her. I would probably write to the guy and tell him he should demand his money back from the obviously blind tattoo artist!

Strangers In the Night

Everyone loves good people watching—It's is one of the main reasons thousands go to the State Fair multiple times a year (ok, maybe that’s a stretch—we all know the deep fried pickles, cheese curds and the pronto pups are the biggest reasons). Anyway, I am here to tell you that the Minnesota State Fair may no longer be the best place to People Watch on a summer evening. Coming in a close 2nd is the Vali-Hi drive in movie theatre… wow. I haven’t been to a drive in movie theatre in YEARS and after Saturday night, I probably know why. This was on the verge of not even ‘fun’ people watching, it was more disturbing than anything...I could probably fill up a month’s worth of blogging with all that I witnessed, but I will give some high (or low) lights of the event. Some things I witnessed can’t even be described over type.

Here goes:

The excessive amount of 5-10 year old kids there to watch The Hangover 2 and Bridesmaids with their parents, the pregnant teens there with their mom’s; all whom were sporting excessive amounts of tattoos and showing more skin than anyone should ever see in public, the 16 year old kid who waited with his girlfriend in the 45-minute bathroom line (I won’t even get into how disgusting the bathroom was) and decided they would make out for the majority of the time, the parent that not only brought her small daughter to see inappropriate adult movies, but brought a booster seat to put on the toilet so she wouldn’t fall in, the not-at-all-skinny guy dressed head to toe in red with a massive silver chain on his neck and his flat-brimmed hat cocked sideways who went back and fourth to the snack bar about three times and on the way back from is third trip, yelled to his friends “flip the steaks!”.
This may sound harsh, but the truth hurts, people!
I guess the strange come out when the sun goes down!

Would you like to save twelve cents today?

No, actually, I wouldn’t. Because it’s not really SAVING twelve cents when you have to PAY more to save the twelve cents.

Here I was, on my way to my softball game Wednesday night when I decided to stop at the local Holiday to fill up the MINI and pick up some of my and my teams favorite Giant Sunflower Seeds (Salt & Pepper flavor). Now if any of you are familiar with Holiday and their wonderful selection of Giant seeds, you will know that they have been 2 for $3 for the past I swear, three years. Normally I am a sucker for the deal, but Wednesday, I refrained. I told myself that I only needed one bag…there is no reason to buy two. Don’t get me wrong; I was tempted. I had to hold myself back from buying that second bag…the yellow 2/$3 tag on the little metal post was just screaming at me to pull the second bag off of the bar, but like I said, I held back….or did I??

I mosey on up to the counter to pay for my gas and my seeds. As I tell the cashier my pump number and put the bag of seeds on the counter she smiles (as if she is sickly reading my mind and knows my weakness) and says “These are 2 for $2.88, did you want to get another one?” My mind instantly races to the yellow tag and I say to the cashier -- “they are two for $2.88, not two for $3.00?!?” Cashier: “nope, they are $2.88.” Me: “Ok, hang on.” I literally LEAVE MY WALLET, CREDIT CARD AND CAR KEYS on the counter and go to the back of the store and pick out a second bag. What is my problem??? Leaving my personal belongings on the counter of a gas station because I was flabbergasted by the fact that the sale price had dropped from $3 to $2.88! Wow. It was only after I got to softball and was discussing the situation with my teammates did I realize that it was a measly 12 cents I saved. And really, I didn’t even SAVE the twelve cents, because I had to pay a dollar and some odd cents MORE in order to get the second bag of seeds!
This should be a lesson learned; but we all know that it probably wasn’t.

Susie Not-So-Homemaker

The Mission:

 I decided to go all out this weekend and try a new recipe (exciting life I lead, huh?)  featuring the start of my garden right now; The Rhubarbs.  I went online searching for a not so difficult recipe, coming across one that consisted of simple ingredients.  "Easy enough", I thought... I'll give it a whirl.

I started with the stars of the show: Mr and Mrs. Rhubarb:

Used my hand-me-WAY- down mixer to mix up the goods.  After a few rounds of losing the beaters in the batter due to lack of support from the mixer, and my obliviousness of the bowl being too small for the ingredients combined with the laziness of not-wanting-to-dirty-another-bowl-and-switch-to-a-bigger-one, I was able to get everything mixed and into it's appropriate 9x13 inch pan.

Did I mention I DON'T have a grater, so I had to use a serrated knife to
get the rinds off of not one, but two oranges and put into the bowl.
Surprisingly, it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be.

After baking for an hour and a half, it was time for the topping--the Meringue.  I have never made this before so I honestly had no clue what it was to look like.  I figured some white stuff that looked a lot like milk was close enough.  Back in the oven it goes for 15 minutes to "brown".  Looks semi-good, right?

Like the saying goes: Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover.

This was one of the worst "desserts" I've ever tasted.  I took one bite and couldn't stomach it.  I think it was the meringue.  It burnt to the sides of the pan and made a tar-like substance--something you would peel of your high-heel after stepping onto the hot pavement in mid-August.

Into the trash it went.

So much for my first rhubarb run...better luck next time!